I get the principle behind 1 day at a time, 1 step at a time. But that doesn't help when my present feel and IS fudged up. NOTHING is right in my life right now. And previous patterns point to this getting worse, not better. You say it's my life, which we could assume as correct, so let's take a look at it from a point of control: caregiving is not my forte', yes I'm kind and blah blah blah, but when I tried, REALLY tried for 8 months of being unemployed, I realized that I'm way too selfish to let a child disrupt my universe, and when I was forced to (b.coz it's the right thing to do, I did it begrudgingly) so I have established that I will NEVER fullfill the role that my mother, sister and niece have taken to so eloquently and so NATURALLY. I am unable to find a job that actually covers my expenses, so how do I change that in my reality? My friends/family, get UPSET with me for getting miserable. I DON'T want to be around them AT ALL!