Hi everyone, I just joined this forum but have been looking at it for a little while now. I figured it was time to sign up and say what's on my mind.

I'm 27, I have not been professionally diagnosed with having depression, but I've done so much research and reading up on it that I can see I have a bit of mild depression, but being as stubborn as I am, I can't get myself to go see a therapist.

For the past few years or so, I've had this feeling of being alone even when I'm in a room full of great friends and family. I have a wonderful group of friends who I would be lost without, but I just can't get myself to tell anybody how I'm feeling. Most of them, 98% I should say, live in other states now and it's very rare that I see any of them, we keep in touch online and phone.. The small group I have local seem just too busy to ever want to hang out. I spend a majority of my time alone and I do not enjoy it. I find it so hard to believe when people say they love spending time alone, going to dinner alone, going to a movie alone. It's so bad that when I'm actually with people, it feels weird. I'm sick of being my myself, I'm sick of pretending that things are okay when all I want to do is cry. I always wonder why things are the way they are because growing up, I never imagined my life would be like this. I spend birthdays alone because I have nobody to celebrate with. I don't want to spend the rest if my life feeling this way. I want to be happy but it's so hard when all I can think of is why me.? Meeting new people has never been hard for me, but they all just get involved with others and I'm the one that gets left out in the cold. Instead of being invited to do things with people, I'm watching everybody's fun through Facebook statuses and pictures. When I try to make plans with people, they're always busy.. It baffles me.. My bigget fear in life's growing old completely alone and it's slowly happening. I just want things to get better.. Ive always dreamed my life would be like the movie Now&Then.. A group of friends growing up together and as adults they are always there for each other. Instead, I'm watching everyone else live it.. And at 27, I feel like things should be a whole lot different than they are..

Anyway.. Thanks to anyone reading this! i appreciate it.