This is part of what I plan to go over in my next session. My T asked three questions I could not answer. I thought about them and formulated my answers.

1. Why do you care so much about what I think? Why are you giving me that power?
Giving others the power is my default pattern; trying to earn love, love you already freely give me. I need to think differently, and I already was before you asked the question. I genuinely love and like you for who you are. That inherently makes your opinion valuable to me, but I have decided the opinions of others are not going to keep me from being the person God made me to be. It will take time for me to change the pattern, but the realization that I am going to get to that point is powerful. It's not to say I'll never be affected by the opinions of others, but I can change my reactions to those opinions. I don't have to automatically believe them just because I feel they are inherently superior just because they are not lowly, unworthy me. I am as worthy as anyone else on this earth of love, friendship, and respect, and love and friendship cannot be earned. As I gain confidence and identity while maintaining a sense of humility, people will be drawn to me naturally. A few already see past the facade and realize I have much to offer and choose to stay in my life. They are my true friends.

2. How would I feel if someone opened up to me the way I opened up to you?
I would admire them for their courage. I would feel honored that they felt they could trust me that much. I would be drawn to them, because of their confidence in themselves to be willing to take a risk and their humility to show their weaknesses when it is easier to hide them. I would want to help them in any way I could. I would want to remain in their life if they would allow me to because all are very admirable traits.

3. Is the knowledge that people did the best they could or all they could do at the time (even if they walked away) healing in any way?
It is healing in the sense that it absolves all parties involved of blame. It allows everyone to be human and make mistakes. Even though I am not to the place yet, I think once the time comes it will be easier to choose to forgive. It helps me to realize that most of the people in my life had good intentions and were not hellbent on destroying me. Does knowing all this remove the pain? No. Do I have to grieve it? Yes. Have I grieved it yet? No.

I also learned that it is absolutely okay to take the risk to trust you because God will take care of me no matter what happens. You and I are both very human and will let each other down. And that is okay. I will be okay. You will be okay. If I have a situation that breaches a relationship with someone in my life, once I take responsibility for my own actions and attempt to rectify my side of the problem, it is no longer in my hands. The other person is responsible for their actions and makes their own choices accordingly. I must accept that and not take the blame myself.

Any thoughts?