So- I am sure many have felt this way at least one time in their lives-- to be singled out-- I guess for me it reminds me of being made an example of and to twist past emotions in with the present is what the deal-o is I suppose- Who knows though to be honest- perhaps I just don't appreciate to be made out to be a moron--

It shocks me that people keep saying to be mindful but yet they fail to use it even with the smallest things to which to be honest, I would think would be used just commonly.

And I know I am a hypocrite with that as well-- I can read things too fast and take parts to which I can leave things and not see the whole picture till later..

I know the solution to that is to slow down, and if I catch myself reading too fast into things to try to step back, take a break and go back and read things-- I do this at work a lot btw- so it is not only something I use here on PC.

Any ways- But still not have the feelings that incorporate with the whole thing-- it is hard- Makes me feel like poo even if I do re-read and find new meaning, and with other situations where it is not being mis-read-- to be honest then I can get angry; for I know what I experience at one time that another is telling me is not true-- I can not stand those situations and that just builds up emotions.

Now one thing I can do is depending on the person and depending on the situation and the whole story-- if it does not mean diddle squat really, I can say F it and leave it to that usually but I have that deep pain still that happened and some times that does not go away so fast-

Now if it is something that causes more issues for me down the road, well now--- I know that is "playing things out" but tbh you have to do that to be a planner and to do things in life- is to think ahead- I know some argue with that "think ahead"- but it is needed for planning and seeing patterns with some- you can tell what may happen== i will stress may- cuz you don't actually know- there are always different possibilities with this world-
But if it something of that sort than- yeah I try to calm down and find a common ground or try to figure out how to dispute what is being said-

I just don't understand -- this is what I don't understand - yeah Mindfulness sounds great but I am not one to preach about it- yet I find that some that do == don't do it all the time..... which then that upsets me a little--- which goes into a whole can of worms...

Yeah take some meds to slow down my reaction to this s h i t right- ok trying that- i know that takes time but really is that the answer here?

I feel in some ways people just don't want emotions, or that strong of emotions-- I am not sure if i totally agree right now-- emotions are needed- and ya know if something really offends you or hurts you weather intentional or not- (if it is then even MORE Reason for emotions) --your emotions are what alarm something to say it is not right (My t I think would agree with that- that is what she was telling me about anger)

But idk-- just bs some times-- i don't get it all the time and I guess right now I am just upset cuz someone just assumed something that I just was adding to- but I ofcourse am incorrect I guess--- it is rather upsetting--

But whatever- going to get off here finally and just go rest- it has been a way too stressful last half of the month and for a tiny pee thing to get me right now would be a shame-

Be well all and best wishes and sorry for my presents some times.