thank you so much.. yes I have concentrated on the wrongs of our relationship and the hurtful things he says and yes I feel better and at that time dont want him back but last night its like it all came rushing back and crushed me watching him with her. It doesnt help that every relationship that i have tried to have since him has went horribly wrong. I think it is more lonely than anything and when I get this way I do shut down, avoid friends stay in the house and all the other things that make it worse. I just want to be happy again... and Im starting to give up on that. I feel like i have let my kids down all they want is a family , a father figure, to see me happy, and I cant do that for them , everytime I try I fail