As my t appointment gets closer (Friday) I know I need to discuss the fact that my honesty is in question with both doctors, family and psychologist. I am finally having to deal with my addictive personality, and I know that both doctors question whether I am being honest.(I have been!) Anyway, the psychologist is working with me to help get stabilized because she knows that I want to avoid the psychiatrist, if at all possible. I am not afraid of the psychiatrist, it is just that I spend so much time at appointments for me and my children that I can't fit another one in, and as long as I am on the popular drugs, the family doctor is willing to prescribe.
Anyway, last t visit, the psych. was trying to help me lower hypomanic state (no sleeping) by having me change dosages of AD meds. I put in a request with my family doctor, but she had her nurse call me three times with questions before she was willing to change the prescriptions.
The last T visit, I admitted to my psych that I was using codeine to sleep along with about a bottle of wine. She asked me to give up the codeine, but I couldn't make that promise to her. She appeared to be very unsettled by the fact that I refused to make that promise, but I don't like to promise anything unless I can deliver. Btw, I only took it one more night before I got a prescription for trazodone, which is working, but I am still drinking a bottle of wine+ per night.
Now I have my t appointment on Friday and I will have to admit to the psych that my doc doesn't trust me with med requests, and I am sure that she will not be surprised. I guess that I will have to have the request made directly from the psych now.
Sorry I am rambling, but I think I am disappointed in myself in that I have not made any changes this week to indicate that I am progressing. As a matter of fact, I drank more and exercised hardly at all, the opposite of what I am supposed to do. Also, I have torn out pages in my journal in order to avoid sharing these during therapy. I did exercise today, and I am trying to get on the right track before Friday, but I am so disappointed that, for some reason, I seem to be sabotaging my progress. I am not a child, I am fifty years old, so I should be able to act accordingly. I am very hypomanic now, not an excuse, but usually during this time I am more wreckless with my behavior.
Thanks for reading!
Bluemountains