Rapunzel,
I often wonder what it will be like when my daughter is grown. Will she listen to the answering machine, screening her calls to see if it is me on the line? Will she not pick up because it is just too painful to talk to me? I hope not. Things are much different between to the two of us then between my mom and I. My daughter and I talk every day about stuff, a day isn't complete without our quiet time together. I could spend days not saying a word to my mom because I was busy staying out of her line of sight.

Ozzie,
I am fairly certain that is what was occurring. I don't think it was on purpose either, I really don't believe Mom would be spiteful enough to hurt me that way intentionally. It still hurts though. It still makes it so I can't feel safe with her. I guess I should stop hoping that one day it will be safe to be her daughter and just move on. I need to accept her as the imperfect creature she is and stop wanting her to be something she isn't and never was. It is hard though. Why am I driven so much by the desire to have a mom who can take care of me?
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft