My answer is my kids too. They are 6 and 4 and far too young to be without their mother. I was to young to be without my mother and I was 15 when she died. I couldn't imagine putting my kids through the pain of losing me if I can help it. I'm just beginning to deal with my own mothers death 20 yrs later.

Currently I'm in a pretty bad place and the urge to end it is very damn high. My husband is tending to the kids needs as I'm almost incapable of leaving my bedroom But when/if this episode ends, I'll be back to looking after my babies and loving them as only I can.

Trippin, I hope you find you way out of the black clouds. In the meantime, please keep posting. Maybe we can help