It's not as if I am physically caring for either of them....I cannot do that. I know my limits, and third parties will have to do that work. It is as if I am processing the effort on some unseen level. All I get is the outcome.....gross fatigue. On two days, on which I merely discussed my father's care, I "hit the wall". I shut down, having become totally exhausted. The arrangements themselves were not onerous. No, it was the "doing it for him" part. And, dear God, I pray I don't end up feeling guilty for doing the right thing. Of all ways for this to turn out, that would suck the worst. A cruel irony.

Yesterday, I found myself feeling very lonely. Although I live alone, I am very seldom ever lonely. But such is the experience of dealing with my 'rents. I can be lonely and I can be exhausted and I can't figure out why. Yet.

My sister has said it, and I have said it. Grieving by installments. Grieving the childhood I never got, while giving them a dignified end. D'ya think? And I thought the world ought to be fair.

Lar

P.S. 1740 miles? You peeked?