Thanks for your input.

What do your doctor and therapist think you are being dishonest about?
Upon reflection, I should probably think of this more as my personal disappointment in the fact that both docs have to be very thorough in treatment because in certain states I am so irrational. For example, a couple of months ago I decided I was going to change several of my meds, not just ad meds, and these changes could have resulted in serious consequences.

Could you just keep your journal private?
I actually am keeping the journal at t's request as a component of CBT treatment. I do not like to journal my personal thoughts, and in the past I have immediately destroyed anything I have written that is of a personal nature.

This alone ought to raise red flags for most MDs & I suspect will with the majority of pdocs. The alcohol intake level is at an alarming level. I'm not sure how long your alcohol use has been at this level, but you may have an alcohol addiction that will have to be dealt with before anything can be done about psych meds.
Yes, RR, I agree. I am not sure that I am ready yet for this step. Normally I don't drink so much, and for a while I couldn't drink at all after my last med change, but finally I adjusted to the meds and started drinking again. Normally, in any given week I only drink 2-3 bottles in an entire week, but I also will drink whatever wine is available, and I stocked up for the holidays. It is all gone now, so I only need to avoid my two favorite stores. As for a psychiatrist visit, I have to take my son today for a visit, and I will question how much time I will have to invest in order to get reevaluated. Last time I went through this it was so time consuming, and here I am 10 years later with new diagnoses after being evaluated by the clinical psych. By the way, I have dealt with 4 different psychiatrists for either my son or myself, and I have yet to find one that I am completely satisfied with concerning med prescriptions. My son has spent the last 5 months on zoloft and then lexapro, and his symptoms are not any better. There will be a new psych today, so maybe this one will listen.

I am going to write in my journal now the requested information, but I am also going to put at the top the mantra that you all have reminded that I need to follow: One day at a time!
Thanks!
Bluemountains