here's a portion of how i dealt with step one.

*admitted, an action word. *acceptance, that i was an an alcoholic. i found it difficult to accept what i was much less admit it. mad at the fact i had crossed over that imaginary line. why me? wanted to deny the truth. wanted to pretend i was ok. finally realized alcohol had me, not the other way around. i was powerless. i was chained to it's demands. it was like sealing my coffin to admit i lost the battle. (ego). wanted to refuse i was defeated. no logical way to get around that truth. up til then "false pride" kept me from "surrendering". but alcohol had beaten me down. it had destroyed me. yet alcohol i thought had given me power. instead i didn't even know who i was anymore. i felt that i had lost my very soul. alcohol promised me the world. instead it had taken away everything!!!!!!! it was a liar! i was shackled to this disease. i knew i was powerless.

step one-it sounded like a death sentence. was way too much work. but finally realized the only way to succeed/overcome this illness was i had to grow up and turn this madness into a better life. i didn't want to grow up! i had always relied on someone else bailing me out of "jackpots". but this time there was only one way out. for me to do the "work" and change. seemed overwhelming. realized tho i had to go thru it to break the vicious cycle of self destruction. othewise i would continue to be in a living hell.

life was unmanageable
yeah that was a hoot. i had no say in my life due to my alcoholism. every decision i made was based on my drinking, drinking, drinking. my life was totally insane. i managed nothing. alcohol dictated my every move. my personality changed. my values if any were gone. i didn't feel emotions. i had absolutely no say in what i did or decisions i made. alcohol did that for me. i was lost in an abyss.

the key for me was a spiritual moment after praying, justme, one night with tears streaming down my face cause nothing else had kept me sober. i was totally desperate as only a dying man/woman could be. i woke up the next morning and in my heart i felt a mustard seed of hope. that was a miracle because when i had gone to bed i felt hopeless and helpless. i started with that hope and built on it "one day at a time."

so that's my experience and i realized step one could be a new beginning. to offer me something i had lost. by surrendering to the truth. i no longer had to fight the truth of what i had become. i was willing to change if only a little bit at first. i was on the first trek of the journey towards a new life. at that point, step one, that was all that was required of me. it was that simple. giving up to gain freedom. today by beginning with the first step i am happy, joyous and free!