I feel happy now, whatever the technical term is...i consider it almost a remission of my disorder... Anyway, im happy,, smiling, getting along with everyone, and less nervous than usual. But, those racing thoughts are still there. Thus, I keep thinking of what makes me go manic, and in doing so ive felt depression slipping in. I keep getting scared that the happy me is going way slowly. I want to be my happy self. I hate the manic, monster I become. Is there any way to do anything? Or push these thoughts away? I am driving myself insane! I just want to enjoy the fact that im stable right now. If I have another episode, I will lose my family. I really want to stop these. Feeling alone right now. Not quite off the deep end, just depressed (and that usually triggers it).

It may also help to know that im alone at home from late afternoon until midnight or later... And my boyfriend works way way way too much. Theyre virtually all I have. And im too afraid to do more than what im doing. Meeting others literally pushes in a bad panic attack! Guess im just looking for ideas on how to stop the bad side from coming out. Hope someone can nhelp, running out of ideas... Thanks!