Hello KeepHoldingOn, So sorry you are still struggling with these thoughts. I don't cut, but know this is an addiction.
These thoughts especially sui are very troubling. I'll ask the usual questions, do you see a T & have a pdoc & if so are you on meds? If so call them & let them know what's going on. If nothing else call the ER or Per & discuss these things with them.

Your bf would want you to be safe, especially if you are alone. Please consider calling someone professional today or call the soft hotline where you just talk to a person trained for this.

This is not normal. Like you said your happy & don't know why you think these thoughts, but they are there for some reason. Either some past trauma or pathological or both but you can't help it.

Again, please do something today to keep yourself safe.

Take care of yourself & keep posting!!!

PS as for the comment above, this person must be very mis-informed or trying to make light of something they don't understand...