Wow, yeah, that IS interesting. Thank you for the perspective. I missed seeing that until you pointed it out. This has been incredibly helpful.

When I examine my feelings, that is EXACTLY what I want. I don't want to ask T for anything and I'd rather toss him aside and start over with someone else. That's wild.

However, in trying to come up with a plan, I am having great difficulty getting past the fact that I now want to call and cancel and NEVER EVER SPEAK to T again, rather than admit that I want something from him.

So, yes, there's obviously some work to be done here. I do see that my reaction is incredibly distorted... right now the best I can do is hang on and tell myself that I am not going to cancel.

Maybe it's actually a good thing that I have another 4 weeks to mellow out about this before addressing it in session.

I am not going to cancel, I keep thinking of the posts I read here where I strongly hope that the poster makes it to their session and tells their T their concern. I am trying so hard to remember that I am now that person who needs to hang on and go tell T.

I am not going to cancel. I may need to post it every day until Jan 23rd. lol