lido,
My last post was presented just before I had an appointment to go to see my own therapist. I disscussed my very troubling weekend holiday and how it revolved around various troubled family members who have no real understanding of what I am personally addressing. But as always with my therapist I present the upset along with my own understanding of what it all meant. My therapist is not really used to that kind of patient. I talked about what I described here to you about chldren being sponges and how that presented the issues I deal with in not only myself but other family members as well. Once again my therapist widened his eyes and discussed a book that presented the same analogy I had. Sigh....I am often hearing that and then a follow up of me being so smart. Well, at least my thinking is heading in the right direction.

First, the one thing you need to pay attention to is your menstral cycles. It may not be the culprit behind your personal issues, but it can excentuate your mood as you struggle with your personal issues.

You have presented some questions thus far that are very telling. You mentioned the habitual practicing of breaking up, even if you have no behaviors in your partner that should precipatate that process. And you do that with all your relationships.

You also discuss your struggles with your sister when she is involved in a relationship and how her personality seems to change. But your personality changes as well. Neither one of you truely KNOW how to have a successful trusting relationship, how could you, you never witnessed one.

So, think about the sponge that I talked about in my last post here. You and your sister, since you were born were just sponges that absorbed all the messages and emotions that were squeezed out of your parents. And it is obvious that one thing that is filling your personal sponge is the break up of your parents and all the emotions and stress that revolved around that. All that practicing your talking about reflects what has filled your personal sponge. Both you and your sister absorbed this, I wonder who is the older one of the two of you? Ususally the older child sees more and can do this kind of practicing method you speak of, while a younger sibling can become passive and address the thought of not if a break up will occur, but when.

lido, no one knows for sure if a relationship formed is going to truely last the test of time. All relationships don't just flourish on the initial attraction of two individuals, a working relationship goes through several stages of growth and learning how to maintain and respect each other's personal boundaries. It is a life of effort and work on the part of both individuals. You never got to see that part lido, your just focused on what didn't work and the painful result that came because your parents simply could not work out their relationship. I even wonder if they were successful with other partners, probably not. Because if you really had seen that, maybe you would have learned that relationships can last with work.

This is going to take time for you to work on lido, and it is going to be something your sister will have to get help with as well. Relationships can work, but it is not a Disney Movie where prince charming comes and you just live happily ever after. It does take effort to make it work and there are stages to relationships where a couple has to learn how to address these stages together.

I can't diagnose you, however you are expressing real, understandable struggles with your ability to accomplish a relationship. You truely need to find a good therapist for that and get to the root of your own sponge, seeing what is there and making efforts to add some good skills to that sponge that you simply do not have.

Open Eyes