lido,
I posted some advice to you in the PTSD forum. So far your questions are revolving around your past and I have brought up my ideas on what your struggles may mean.

I am sorry that you noticed your fathers infedelity before your mother did. But you can't look for it in every man you meet to the extent you are now. Ofcourse that was a very troubling experience for you. But you need to spend time learning about how to develope your own successful relationships. You haven't had that yet, you only really know one bad experience that has truely effected you.

(((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes