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I don't know what happened? But you know I think you're brave and awesome and a strong young voice on this site who is trying so hard and makes a major contribution. It is heartwarming and an honor to be allowed to witness your growth, i'm sure I am not the only one who feels lucky and grateful for your generous, intelligent, sincere and insightful sharing.
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Thanks Hankster-- ya know what they say it is better to have handful of friends than a 100 acquaintances -
so even if only one that enjoys my company here is better than none right
...........IDK what is up with me sometimes- I don't like these "rapid" swings or what ever this is-- -- and to take things so personally some times- I know it is all to be worked on-- and remembering to take that step back but it is so hard when in the moment of feeling....
I still was upset about this, this morning... I re-read some things and actually someone later had chimed in with a general comment of it, before the thread was closed- so that makes me feel a bit better- IDK I guess I just take things so awful wrong at times- It creates this beerier for me to "take action" if needed at times- this due to I have this little part in myself that says--
"Do you trust how you feel right now, or is this all emotions??" Just like when I get thoughts of people screwing me over and so on-- is this valid or just emotional in some way or something else with me- partially delusional or is it real?-- to question one self feels awful at times which then just adds into the whole thing-
I don't get it-- and yeah I started these meds-- they are to help with "the slow down" of my emotions-- I don't know if I like that right now---
And ya know after I read this post I made:
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I feel in some ways people just don't want emotions, or that strong of emotions-- I am not sure if i totally agree right now-- emotions are needed-
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I am all in there though a contradiction that is- There are times I wish to throw out my emotions, I go numb even at times to try to get rid of them-- and yet I know and want my emotions--
blah!
All to work on- and I guess need to "vent" in some ways-- but like my T told me last time I saw her-- It is "ok" to own the emotions, but don't let it stew over all day--
I think just the holiday stress, new year stress, and just stress and all--- I tend to let little things get to me or take things in wrong ways-- I am sorry for that.