Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
This statement is exactly why the answer has to be no. There is no way this could not affect your therapy. That's the "clinical" answer.
I may be way too Freudian for my own good, but this one statement of yours is so despairing. And again I think it goes back to rapprochement. My mother punished me for wanting to go out on my own, as did her mother, as did my father's father. Independence was NOT encouraged! On the other hand, I was forced to take on responsibilities beyond my age and abilities, which was scary, and I didn't do so well at. So now you want to make sure that T will still be there to hold your hand after you're "done", so you won't be scared like this again? Am I getting more out of my advice to you than you are?? Sorry!! But thank you for the opportunity to talk this out. I love when people show up here with MY problems! I mean, it sucks for THEM, but it helps me...  |
Well, I'm glad I was of help.
Because you and I have some similarities, but some striking differences.
I am not very Freudian. Neither is my T and that is why she explains that her love is not transference or counter-transference. It is genuine love. When I expressed last week that I saw her as a mother figure and she said, "
You already know , I cannot be your mom in this process," she was stating what I did already know. I really don't want T to be my mom. I only want one mom: my own...with all her flaws! However, I can enjoy how maternal my T is within the relationship.
Neither do I want my T to be my T when I'm done with therapy. I don't want to associate with her outside of therapy until I am WELL!! I know my therapy will end and at that point, I will no longer need T to be my T or my friend. If she will, I would be happy, if she won't, I'll still be happy. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, Freud!
I would be just as happy if she would become a business associate and serve on my human rights committee at work.
Now that I have explained my motives more explicitly to my H, he feels much better about me asking. He still doesn't understand why I need to ask NOW but he admits he cannot understand OCD. He has no frame of reference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemountains
I can understand what Hankster is saying. Personally, though, I would ask the question just because I had to. Your t can handle this in a professional way, in which case you will explore why there is this need for friendship, or your t can let you know that you will indeed be friends and identify what that friendship will mean.
Your husband loves you and wants to protect you. He may be giving you the right advice, but I still believe that this need for your t's friendship in an issue that must be dealt with in therapy. If she is, indeed, the person you have described here, I think that she will handle this in a way that will allow you to grow.
When I am not settled with an issue, which obviously I am not judging from the amount of threads I have started lately, I find that I am super OCD and can't focus on much else until I feel settled.
Good luck!
Bluemountains
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I agree, Bluemountains, that my T will handle this gently and therapeutically no matter the answer.
I
think that perhaps I am using the word "friendship" a bit too loosely and it's causing people to read into it too much. What I am actually looking for post-therapy is an association based particularly upon our shared interest in the mental health field. I imagine seeing her 3-4 times a year just to catch up and talk shop. If that eventually develops into a true friendship, okay. If not, okay. Like my husband said attempting to clarify, "You're not looking for us to eat dinner at her house Christmas Eve." The answer is no.
The only "abnormal" thing about the whole debacle is this: due to my OCD, I want to know NOW. So I'm going to ask tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it...no matter the answer.
