Wow...everything that you've written is so accurate (at least to my situation)...and it's a bit scary as no therapist has ever articulated what you've said above. I went to a therapist as a younger child (parents sent me to help me deal with anger), as a young adult in college after being date-raped and then about six years ago while in my mid-30s to deal with a difficult relationship.

I'm definitely the older child and was much more verbal when my sister and I were younger. As a result of being older, I dealt more with my father's rages while my sister was either comforted by my mother or hid in her room. While I would have loved the comfort or to hide as well, I was much more similar to my father in personality so I felt that I was, even at age 12, better equipped to deal with him than even my mother. I had the language and temper to pretty much meet him head on....strangely enough, my father would actually back down when confronted with my full blown rage...so, it kind of became my role in the family....I was probably a pretty scary child. But, I'd just see my sister's eyes tear up and my mother struggle with words and I'd pretty much go at him. Some of the uglier stuff that he pulled was not while I was home but more when my sister was alone. There was no physical abuse, but he'd work himself into such a frenzy that she even had to call the police on him when she was about 11.

So, I guess that I saw the power that his fits had and just used it back on him with more force. Because he usually backed down, I learned that this behavior "worked." I now experience a lot of frustration because I'm constantly tamping down on similar feelings that are just not appropriate in an adult (temper tantrums definitely don't win you any friends as an adult and are not exactly appropriate in the work environment)...so, the energy doesn't really have anywhere to go. When I am not able to contain myself (usually during very stressful periods) the rage can come out and it can be pretty disproportional in some situations. Unfortunately, I've had other "positive" reinforcement of my anger due to living in the city. From time to time, you can feel very threatened by very aggressive people on the street...if it involves a man and my physical safety is an issue, my rages have probably saved my butt on at least two occasions...For me, the choice between fight and flight usually ends up in fight.

How someone with BPD may handle romantic relationships (i.e., grooming a perspective mate with postiive attention, only to eventually present anger and provoking some kind of end result of having the relationship end, replicating the abandonment that was presented in the childhood) is one huge issue that I've never even known how to articulate. I can be the most supportive, sensitive mate and then I can turn on a dime and rip the person down...this, of course, leaves me with such guilt that I will cry over how poorly I've treated the person.

I believe my sister may do the same thing as I've seen her be pretty vicious...the only difference is that she does not seem to feel any guilt afterwards...she seems to revel in her anger and/or just go completely cold and aloof. There never seems to be any real sense that she might need to make some of the changes that I know that I need to make.

Finding a good therapist for me would be the key...I feel as if I may need a male therapist for the first time. For some reason, I can never express my anger around female therapists...they usually try to keep me calm and in staying calm I pretty much repress everything.

Thank you again Open Eyes for taking so much time to respond to my post. I also want to thank Shezbut for the original post that has triggered a lot of good (and new) thinking on my part today.