Ok, I see I guess right in many areas. Your right about the anger tantrums not being something that is appropriate in the adult world. And in choosing a therapist, just because it is a man doesn't mean your going to find the strength you need. Your father is a man, what does he do? Yes, he broke down and then finally became a therapist, but he has boundaries with you, he knows you will lash out. So in some ways your father has never truely remedied that and I don't think he would be a very good therapist for your kind of situation either, remember therapists are just people too.

I think what therapy would serve you well is Cognitive Behavioral therapy. And the therapist you need is a therapist who can have the ability to NOT absorb your anger and extreme emotionality. That could very easily be a strong woman as well. I think your looking for a man because you might just want to meet a man that can stand up to you, perhaps, you think, that may set you right. No that is wrong, it wont set you right. You have to develope the proper skills to gain your desired effect of not allowing others to control, intimidate etc.

Interesting I was correct about your sister being younger. And the way she errupts, and doesn't feel guilty is because she witnessed you stand the ground and keep some kind of order, order enough that allowed her to feel safe. So she is passive agressive and she could benefit from Cognitive Behavioral therapy as well, it would provide her with the correct method to gain and set her personal boundaries without the display of angry outbursts.

The two of you have to learn how to control the raw emotion of anger and intellectually learn how to verbally react in a way that will provide the same boundary markers. In fact they are finding that if a patient is Borderline Personality disordered (not diagnosing you here) they have found that the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps a lot. Also victims of abuse, even those that have my issues can benefit. It is on my list, my current therapist doesn't offer that kind of therapy.

Some food for thought.
Open Eyes