If you've read my previous posts, I've been going through a really rough time right now. I ended up calling my T twice during the last week, which bums me out because I feel like I'm needy and desperate, which makes me feel even worse about myself and also makes me feel like he's going to get sick of me.

In both phone calls and in our session today, my T basically ended up saying the same thing we go over and over all the time anyway: it happened TO me, it wasn't ABOUT me; it says nothing about me as a person that other people did these things to my body when I was a child. The fact that they are still sick and poisonous, and have brought new sick, poisonous people (my brother in law) into the mix still doesn't say anything about me as a person.

Anyway, as we were ending, and he was writing down my next appointment and logging it into the computer, I said, "I bet you are so sick of repeating yourself. You're probably getting sick of me." He was still looking at the computer and said, "I'm NOT sick of you. I love . . ." He stopped abruptly and looked kind of stricken for a second and then started talking about the "science of psychology" and what studies show that abuse does to the brain. I almost started laughing. He's said that he cares about me before and that he likes me, but apparently the other L word is off-limits? Or do you guys think that I'm just reading too much into this? I have no illusions that it's love in the romantic sense, but I would like to think he loves me as a person.