what you reveal is classic depression speaking. its comical what you say about life. in the games forum earlier today somebody questioned what the purpose of life was and my answer was "gods sick joke". not to minimize your pain, but i got a hehe over the timing of that.

all i can say is that i have been where you are. i have lived that darkness for decades. i never thought i would ever find a way out. i made attempts on my life more than once. but i never gave up. and it finally happened. i got the magic wand that made it all better. the right med, therapy at the right time and it was all gone. suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel and all that darkness is so far away. it is still hard for me to believe. i have been off antidepressants for a year now and still no sign of depression. after 30 years of misery i am amazed.

hang in there. it can get better.