i feel the pain building up inside me - i'm ready to explode! it's a ball of fire in my chest, a knife tearing my heart apart. i want to cry, but my tears are used up. i want to scream but my throat is dry. i want to curl up in a ball on the couch and rock back and forth under my blanket. i want to be alone. i want a big, long bear hug from those who truly care about me. i want the world to understand what my pain really feels like. i never want that look of pity again, to never be asked if i'm sure i'm all right, yet i want my family to unerstand that my withdrawing means that i am truly in pain. i guess i really don't know what i want at all...