So I'm on antidepressants because my psychiatrist thinks I'm just really depressed, but I find myself still taking lorazapram sometimes but I want to talk to her about doing something else as well. I think I have more anxiety than depression, which thus increases my depression. I have these inner freak out- I also think I don't percieve reality correctly sometimes, or nearly all the time. I often think people have a problem with me when they don't. My job is too emotionally draining, I don't always have the energy to deal with people and keep up my aquaintance relationships. I feel like people think I'm being fake when I just care too much. But then everyones different, and I know not everyone's going to be the same everyday, People all have their bad days- just like mine today. I came up with this little diddy in my head today, it goes like this, "I hate my job, I hate my job, " and repeat over and over again. I occasionally had a verse of 'I want to kill myself in there' as well. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't really want to kill myself, but that's what I tell myself now instead of simply, "I suck', etc. I think it's mostly the job. I'm taking a class to better myself and I wish I could up and leave tomorrow. But I also know tomorrow will be a better day- mostly because every other day is always better for me mood wise - for the most part. It's weird. I have some therapist names I've been meaning to call to set up appts with, as my pysch.dr. office helped find me according to my needs- which she seems to think is under the category of 'supportive therapy." Hell, I still remember random stuff from my childhood that I still haven't gotten over. I'm a mess sometimes. But I'm currently cleaning my apartment- it needs to be done- that'll at least make me feel a bit better. I'm sure it'd help too if I had more than one friend and my family to talk to.