I keep going back to the one who humiliated me - I just do not engage with her in any way she could humiliate me again. There is a bizarre negative attachment I have to her - I do not know if it is an alliance or not - I have never figured out how to tell if there is any alliancing going on. I do not know if the t is incompetent or not. I know it does seem to me that neither of us knows what is supposed to go on each week that relates in any way to the reason I sought therapy. I do not know how to figure it out. That is what the consult would be for. Although I have checked out other therapists to see if I clicked better with them, and consulted for information on how to do therapy or what was supposed to happen, I have never specifically gone in to check on the therapeutic thing with me and the t. I cancelled my next appointment in order to read more books on the subject so I would know the sorts of things to tell the t, but it seems to me she should be able to focus questioning in order to facilitate it. She keeps thinking the problem has
Magically gone away despite me telling her constantly it has not. I simply do not know what else I
am supposed to say about it. I have no way of knowing the the therapy has been working or not. The t thinks it has in some nebulous and mysterious way ("we have made sense of something from your past" -so effing what? i don't agree agree but even if I did, I still have a horrible feeling all the time for absolutely no reason) I see no change for the reason I sought therapy and believe I am worse because of the insane attachment I seem to have with the woman. I don't
love her, I doubt I like her, I am not attracted to her, I don't want her to be my mother or lover or friend, but I do very much want her to understand (and admit she was wrong and apologize).

So my real question (clarification) is - what was the consultation like?(I am not seeking opinions on whether I am doing therapy correctly or if I should try a different kind etc - just what is consultation like)