Nothing's ever "happened" to me but you could say I've witnessed awful things. Every day whether it's something on the news or even a television episode that mentions certain things or similar I can't function. I feel anxiety and rage because I want to eliminate those responsible for causing so much suffering to others. My past has put me through many feelings of guilt, so I can't say it's just out of the kindness of my heart.

For the past 5 years I've been socially withdrawn, with times when I pushed myself to talk to others, but nonetheless today I spend days without talking to a single soul. I tried to kill myself 2 years ago, and it was a horrifyingly painful experience which pushed me to change.. I started exercising, eating healthy, studying, and all sorts of things. I've read into Zen which I really like, but in the end I'm still haunted by this..

I can't stop feeling so much pain and anxiety when I see things like that. I don't know what to do because I want to help, but this is more to me than wanting to be altruistic. This is my obsession.

I think that my entire life has pushed me to develop an uncommon (at least in my experience) perspective in life. So much so that I don't find anyone I can see eye-to-eye with. It's not just my sensitivity to violent crime, but most of my thoughts. I feel very lonely.