**Ahem** TL;DR: Girl called me lesbian in a fight. Became more paranoid. Never doubted my attraction to men before that. Now I feel like I really am one. My past suggests I'm heterosexual but now I'm think I'm sometimes getting turned on by girls. Never used to. I used to have all the symptoms of OCD but now I don't really notice them as that. I feel exactly like one with no evidence that I'm not. Then I suddenly go back to thinking I'm possibly heterosexual like an unpredictable rollercoaster track.

Today, I kept seeing pictures of girls (not purposely, I rather avoid them) and almost had no anxiety. It felt like I was enjoying the idea of being a lesbian and getting aroused by the girls. I was upset that I had barely any anxiety. Everything felt so real, too. I never thought that I would be a lesbian ever. My sexuality was never something I really thought about. I just thought I liked men. But who's to say that those crushes I had weren't real crushes, but me just wanting a relationship? I thought all the male crushes I had were real as they were happening, though. But no that's all just a vague dream and it seems like it doesn't support me not being a lesbian whatsoever. I've typed out things similar to this before and most of the people would always say that I was straight. I understand them saying that through the first few months because I had all the symptoms of OCD then. I was still able to get a bit of reassurance myself that I really was straight and this whole thing was ridiculous. It started when I was having an arguement with a girl over Facebook last summer. We began to childishly throw insults back and forth and eventually she called me a lesbian because the way I dress. That girl had only met me once, really, so the entire thing was obviously ridiculous. But time went by and I began to worry about it more and more until I turned into the psychotic wreck I am right at this moment. I don't understand it when people say I'm straight. I don't want to be a lesbian but at the same time I do. I hate this and I want to die in a car crash or something. I probably already am a lesbian right now- no, this entire time. Maybe I've never found men attractive and just used it all as an excuse. Maybe I never had OCD.
I want it to stop but it doesn't. As more and more time passes, it begins to feel more and more real. It's almost like a split personality.
This new side of me is like this: "I'm a lesbian and I know it. I love the idea and I want nothing more than to be with a girl but I'm just scared and trying to deny it for some reason even though I know I get aroused by girls and find them attractive. I don't like boys at all and I want to marry a girl one day."
The other side is like this: "Oh God, why did I think that? No, I can't be a lesbian. I've had only crushes on men my whole life. Why would that change now? But those thoughts prove I must be... No. I'm not going to be. Why can't I just like men and realize it like I used to? Why do I have to be a lesbian? I never saw this coming! Why can't something just kill me?!"
I honestly have no idea why I write these things anymore. They do nothing for me. I just keep hoping that at some point I'll snap out of this and realize I'm heterosexual and always have been. But no it feels like it's so obvious I am and that I want to be and all that. It doesn't feel like I don't want to be AT ALL. But for the first 3 or more months all I wanted was to be heterosexual. I cried over it, got panic attacks, couldn't watch television (if it had women, I would be convinced that I found them attractive and then I would get really panicked. If it had men, I would be convinced that they made me sick and I would also get panicked), and spent the entire summer asking "Do you think I'm straight?".
I actually want those feelings of anxiety back. They just gave me more proof that this was all in my head. Before this I would always daydream about men and attractive women would upset me.
So all my past evidence suggests I'm straight. I have no idea what the recent evidence shows though.

----> Annnnnd right now I'm feeling like I'm heterosexual. It happens like that. I have no idea why.