I'm having alot of trouble myself at the moment...lately and what seems like even quite a while...especially focusing and sticking with a positive thought...something that can move me forward and help me climb out of the mess....which has similar characteristics to what you are experiencing.

I have no suggestions apart from writing things down like you have...on here,
because I relate to it...and others can and most likely will.

even just responding to you here has helped me to focus just a little outside of my own dis-functioning, or mal-functioning (not dis-functional) mind.

yep