First of all, those are awesome accomplishments! <3

I understand what you mean. I seriously do. I was one of those super bright kids too, high IQ, the whole shooting match. My mother was asked in three different districts to let me move up a grade and she always refused because I was, to use her phrasing, "high-strung." (To be fair to her, she had a point. I was a really moody kid and I was prone to rages and depression long before I was ever diagnosed with anything.)

And it stinks when you see people around you doing all these things when so much feels like a struggle to you. My younger cousin who also went into music education? Her parents had enough money that between them and her scholarships, she was able to get into a very influential and expensive private university essentially for free. She breezed through both her bachelor's and master's degrees and is teaching in the school district where I live. It doesn't make me feel very good either to see how successful she seems to have been, especially knowing that I'm jealous of how easily everything seemed to come to her. I haven't had any luck at all finding work in my field, and she got a job right out the gate!

But comparing myself to my friends and family only makes me feel bad, so I try not to do it anymore. Life is not a competition with other people and I have to take it at my own pace if I want to be happy.

As for not knowing what you want to do with yourself in college... well, that's common when you're 20. (I still don't really know what I want to do and I'm 31. I'll get back to you when I figure that out. ) Seriously though, one day at a time. Just the fact that you're finishing your remaining credits is fantastic.