Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
I don't know how far you have come with all of this..
I have weeks to months where I am full of energy very motivated and I have to move. I feel like if I don't move forward I will explode. Then it crashes and I'm pure lazy. Don't want to get out of bed, slow moving, just don't want to do anything at all but sleep.
As far as the schizophrenic part goes, it comes in phases. For most of my child hood I remember the paranoia and the hallucinations all the time. Eventually it passed and things got normal for a bit. Then it started to come in phases.
I go through dissociative phases as well when stressors get to be more than I can handle. I start to feel like I'm not connected to my body multiple times throughout the day. Like I'm there looking at me, but I can't control what I'm looking at.
I also experience depersonalization where I will be sitting in a room watching myself interact with other people from the other side of the room.
But I also have many phases where I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. I have times where I feel like I can do anything and everything, I'm spontaneous courageous and outgoing. Then I have times where I'm really shy reserved and a control freak.
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Thanks for your response, its ok that your response is long I dont mind. It really helped me out. All of the parts I've Highlighted I can relate to. I go through phases where Im very energetic adn motivated. Its more of a manic behavior.. its pretty crazy. I noticed During that time I get over confident and don't write in my journal, which I have to work on. And after about a week or two at the most Ill wake up and realize I don't want too. I just want to lay in bed all day, sad and depressed. This is usually when I remember to write in my journal and log my moods and thoughts..(I use an app called "Ijournal" for android.. it's pretty neat"
When it comes to Schizophrenia related symptoms theyre bad and really get to me but they arent extremely severe.. Besides When I have auditory Hallucinations. Its more of a paranoia and cinstantly checking out my windows to see whos spying on me (which I did several times yesterday) And today I've been checking my house for "bugs" planted in the walls with an "emf" (electromagnetic field) detector application i also have on my phone. I snap out of it at times but the idea that someone is constantly monitoring me is always in the back of my head, besides when I'm manic.(I also remember Thinking I have special powers and trying to think I was some unknown super human as a teen
) -sometimes I still do but not to the same extent..
When it comes to dissociative phases I can only remember a few times where I actually had that
"sitting in a room watching myself interact with other people from the other side of the room" moment.. and Its was when I was 5 years old. Its amazing that I remember, I have an amazing memory about certain things. The only downside is those memories seem to "haunt" me. I am diagnosed with PTSD, so it makes sense. Wow, i went off subject.,, ok where was I? Oh, Dissociative episodes.. another one I remember is, damn i cant remember I'm starting to feel pretty upset just thinking of all this stuff so I have a mental block right now.
About the medication and therapy: I really wish I was on medication and in treatment But I have no health insurance because **There's a two year waiting period for me. **Please check out this link:
http://www.christopherreeve.org/site...ing_Period.htm
Although I really want to, and need to, I haven't received any type of treatment for about a year now and if I were a doctor I'd say I'm in a pretty fragile mental state. I'm sober and not on drugs and legally disabled. I know no one on here can do anything about that situation, but because of this community I have a relief source. Thank you for all of your concern It really makes a difference. 
-Singularis