Thanks for the words of encouragement PC friends!

I wish I was the brave, admirable person you perceive me to be. Actually I am a hard-headed person who has allowed my anger and sorrow over depression/bp issues to be an excuse for very bad decisions. I have been so reluctant to change, that I fear now that I may have gone too far in abusing my body, and may have done irreversible damage this time. I could fool myself into believing that the damage that my alcoholic, abusive family did caused this, but I am a very intelligent person (maybe less intelligent now after the many brain cells I have killed over the years!) and I could have avoided this. I have a very hard time with the word "addict" but I know that I am.
Okay, I am still have great resolve to get through my two appointments with honesty and full disclosure. I am so nervous over this, not with the reactions, but with the actual words coming out of my mouth which will make it all real. I have already had two nights of <4 hrs. sleep the past two nights, and I know that I won't be able to avoid the "worry" thoughts tonight.
In 13 hours I become a newly defined person, and I wish that it didn't have to be, but as I have said in many posts, I live my life for my kids, and it was very shattering when one of my boys picked up the wine bottle stopper and asked me if I had drank all of that bottle, too.(It was the second one)

I'll post tomorrow.

Bluemountains