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Something I’ve been working on with my therapist lately is paying attention to cognitive distortions in automatic thoughts and trying to determine what an alternative, more rational thought might be and how to act on it. For the most part, a lot of this is straightforward, but one spot I got stuck on in our session today that I need to think about between now and next time is what to do about the automatic thoughts associated with the actions of other people who are intending to hurt me in some way.
When people hurt, or offend, or frustrate me accidentally, that’s one thing. It’s easy to see that my emotional reactions are generally unwarranted and to let things go. But when the other person was meaning to upset me, letting go seems…like deciding to be a doormat.
I’m trying to remember how he was wording things… Part of the trick is realizing that your emotional response can’t hurt you and letting it go can’t hurt you and reacting on the trigger is likely to only make things worse and feed the cycle. And again, that’s all well and good when the other party had no ill intent. But what about when they do? How do you figure out what the appropriate reaction is? How do you look at it in a way that keeps you calm but also doesn’t make you someone’s punching bag or doormat? I mean, the very reason automatic responses are there in the first place, is that they served as a defense mechanism. And if such defense mechanisms really aren't warranted, then you should work to get rid of them. But what about when you still need some sort of defense mechanism?
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