I'm so mucked up right now. I nearly got a ticket tonight. Thank heavens the police officer was nice and only interested in drunk drivers. I was and am stone cold sober. My meds are on a time table it seems. After 12 hours they quit working. Soooo I go manic again and tonight I couldn't take my meds because I had to drive.

If I take my meds I cannot drive. They are enough to put down a horse. So I take these particular meds at night. The morning meds are lightweight stuff so I can drive and function. But tonight I had to be out like a regular person and nearly get a ticket.

So, now what. I have to narrow my whole life down to what I can do between 8am and 8pm. Oh, yeah, lets not mention the time off for the wacky doodle sh** from the day meds that sometimes puts me out anyway.

I am so fed up right now. I am doing my best to work with my pdoc, stay out of the hospital, do the next right thing, and I just want to say f*** It.

Once my meds kick in again I'll feel better but I need to get this out of my system.

And yes I did take my night meds when I got home.

Thanks for listening. Right now I hate being BP.