I don't know if your realization is true or not, purple heart. It would certainly be easier to tell you that you're misunderstanding what's happening, or to say something like, "Oh families are difficult..." or what have you. But I totally understand where you're coming from, as I have had these realizations in my own family before. I think the most important thing, and what really liberated me (or has started to, because I'm not there yet) is the realization that I am not bound by what they think of me. I don't know you, but you seem like a really nice person and if your family is doing or saying things which causes you to feel negatively about yourself then that's on them, not you.