T emailed me some very helpful and appropriate things this morning. He's a good T. And I think that disappoints me somehow. I want him to be a bad T so I can leave.

This isn't even really about scheduling; it's my messed up stuff in my head. ARGH!

Although I do think 5 weeks is a freaking LONG TIME between sessions. But he did tell me he has emergency appts available and that I just need to ask. Which I am not going to do. I guess I'd rather suffer.

I can see how stupid all of this sounds when I write it out. I will be so proud of myself if I can change even the tiniest piece of this. It is so hard.