granite: thank you for being here for me, always. I didn't hear from my T yet but I know she'll send me the email she promised. It's not breaking our agreement; she's just going to say "I'm back" because she knows I worry. I agree that I need to feel the way I do about my T right now. I'm not sure why, but I do.

earthmamma: What you describes sounds so inviting. I've never experienced the whole cycle in therapy before. I've always been stuck in the "wanting them" and fantasy phase. I do see my T as a real person, though, and I know her role is to be my T, not anything else. The parts of me want more, and it hurts so badly to feel those wants. But my T accepts all my parts, and wants us to be curious about them, so I hope that this time with this T I can get beyond this stage to what you talk about. Thank you.

rainbow_rose: Thanks for not thinking I'm abnormal or stupid. I'm trying not to be ashamed of my feelings. My T doesn't want me to feel that way. When we do IFS and she asks "how do YOU feel about that part?" and I say "I'm ashamed of her", she asks if I can throw that part(I guess she thinks that's also a part, not my Self) who feels ashamed over to the other side of the couch, and usually I can.

Yeah, in particular when she said not to worry about her getting depressed because she doesn't (not sure if she meant about death or in general) I wanted more than anything to be like her. It makes me cry to think about that part of the session. I didn't comment on it then, only in my email to her.

Thank you for caring about me, rainbow_rose.