First of all, is there some dramatic or other reason that you have to refer to a breathing human being as an "it"? Do you really think of, and treat, your therapist as if she is a THING, because that is what your language suggests, and it is deeply disturbing. You are an educated, intelligent professional and I see no reason why you can't communicate about this issue in a non demeaning way.

"I get told the therapist has no idea why it is asking me the questions it does."

This sounds to me like your T asks you a question, and you ask why she's asking that rather than opening yourself up and actually answering the question.

Of course books and a consult might help, and I have already encouraged you to try that route.

I don't think that there is any failure on your part if it doesn't work for you. After all, we all get told to eat our vegetables and not smoke or drink, but watch the Today show any day and you'll see 100 year old people smoking with one hand and knocking back shots with the other, while subsisting on a diet of peanuts and hotdogs.

You can live a healthy and satisfying life without therapy. I do not believe that talking about one's problems is healthy for everyone. If it doesn't work, that is the failure of the therapy, not your failure. Try something else.

Best,
Anne