All,

I have a friend who tried therapy, got mad, dropped out. She and I tried to talk about her decision to do so. I made it clear that she could always return to therapy. She said, well, therapy might be helpful for you, but my problems are so much worse!

I thought about her comments, and how she used the magnitude of her issues to (as far as I'm concerned) skip out of therapy.

I've done the opposite, something that one T told me was a "flight into health.." saying well, I'm fine! I often minimize the issues that brought me into therapy -- the very opposite stance that my pal takes. I claim that my history of childhood abuse and neglect doesn't matter any more (!) and that despite my destructive brutal childhood, I'm doing FINE, thank you very much. My approach to most problems is...soldier on. Until...kaboom! Triggers, problems, melt-downs, withdrawal you name it.

Both of these outlooks seem extreme to me, and during my therapy journey, I've learned to try to live a little more in the middle. I'm tackling this now as an issue IN THERAPY, where I tell my T that my past isn't relevant and that I'm all about the present, the future, in order to avoid dealing with my family of origin and the legacy they have left. It's especially relevant and poignant at this time of (holidays) year when the dominant cultural images of happy families feel really oppressive. I'm trying hard not to go into "minimize mode" or into "wallow mode" but find some do-able middle ground. It is simple...but not easy!

Do you minimize your troubles? Maximize them? Or are you somewhere else or doesn't it seem to matter?