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That must be so hard! I am so sorry! You are really strong, keep it up. You're doing what's best for your children, something it seems perhaps mom wasn't as good at? None the less, you have every right to say no you do not want him there. You do not even need an excuse you are a grown person. If she asks why he couldn't go just simply say "Because I do not want him in my home" and leave it at that, you don't need to offer excuses any more, you're an adult! I'm so sorry you have to deak with all of this!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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