I understand. I do. When I first started therapy I asked my T why we needed to talk about emotions. I said I don't trust them and they hurt. I asked that question many times at the beginning of therapy.

Now I understand that life is not life without emotions. We go to therapy in order to learn to handle the painful emotions. It's tough and it's scary and it hurts like h*ll but in the end it's worth it.

I realized that by hiding from and denying the painful feelings i had, I was also preventing myself from accessing the positive, the good. I told T the other day that NOW I understand what people are saying when they say they FEEL joy at the first flowers of Springtime. I used to appreciate them intellectually but now, finally, I FEEL a joyous emotion. It's exhilarating.

So, yes, I get it. But if you want to live a life that is full and meaningful you probably need to get dirty and mix it up with those very difficult feelings. I'm facing them now and it is hard but I see myself moving towards a more satisfying life. Hiding away is constrictive and deadly. I know. I do know.