I really do feel like I am in this boat on my own. That is why I want to reach out to her, I am not worried about the past, it is her present detached behavior that hurts. I have read some about healing your inner child and I can remember crying at her wedding because I thought I lost her, and I just feel like that is my first memory of feeling abandoned and alone. I mean I had playground squabbles (this person plays with you one day not your friend the next etc) but this was the first one that hurt down deep. I am just looking for connections as to if this is still affecting my life because I feel abandoned by everyone now. I feel like I can scream and nothing. I probably won't say anything. She is the perfect example of the problem I am having. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives so when you need someone it is sometimes irrational to expect them to drop everything and take care of you, but there are people out there who help other people and my biggest goal in life is to stop being the needy one and be the helper person. For some reason I see those as distinct groups. The needy, the self absorbed, and the helpers. I don't know if that makes sense but I am tired of feeling needy. In my home I am the boss person, basically the one everyone depends on, Hard to lean on people who treat you like a parental figure. So I want to act like that sometimes and get advice, help whatever and I can't find the right people who are open to it. That is why I came here and why it is so helpful. You all don't care if I am a little bit selfish and write how I feel and what is wrong with me. The world at large is too busy to care.