Hi Siani- it's Sezzie again. I totally can relate to you chick. Yep i reckon it's a great idea if we become friends! I have met one other person from New Zealand on this site- she's irish. She's awesome. She's having a rough time with life too. Anyway- it sounds like you have made such a good effort! I am really proud of you- i think you could teach me some lessons! I hard out threw up today. I haven't had any days of balanced eating for most of my life which ain't good. I'm realising that i need to stop this vomiting thing cause i started vomiting up blood the other day- now that's not a good sign, but i still haven't stopped it. I just felt so depressed that i had to do it. Big urges and big depressive thoughts! Does your family know about all your struggles? My family doesn't know about many of mine. They don't know that i went to hospital for taking three overdoses last year. They don't really know about how i urge to hurt myself some times and they don't really know about the bulimia i don't think. I'm 21- I think you said you were 15- you sound like such a bright person aye and with big adult probs. My mental illness crap started pretty young too- but it has been so severe for the last 2-3years! You know- you've inspired me to try and eat balanced meals- I'm going to try for one day tomorrow to eat 3 meals and then not throw up! it's going to be a mega mission for me and i'm in big self doubt mode at the moment but i should really try. I can hear "aww %#@&#! how the hell am i going to get through this" going through my head at the moment. Bugger it.
I do have some distant relatives in England but i only know them by photograph really. New Zealand's a great place. I love it anyway. I hate a lot inside myself though.
Today i went to my sisters graduation day- the lucky cow. I'm meant to be graduating from university next year- but i've kind of had to do it part time for a while- so i'll be there for ages. I'm studying DRUGS (pharmacy). I love it, but i feel a bit dodgy about it though because I love drugs a bit too much (if you know what i mean). I do like to experiment a bit here and there. I'm also the person likely to be found passed out on someone's couch at the end of a party or something. I'm glad that someone else is out there who i can chat to! So glad!!! I was feeling so overwhelmed the other day- like i had that gut feeling where i felt like i was going to hurt myself and that nothing could be right with me ever again, and then i found this site. It's been helpful.
Enough about me. What's happening with you at the mo? R u at school? (boring question i know- sorry). What's happening? Are your parents giving you crap about everything?- cause mine are giving me crap non-stop. I feel like such a big baby for not being able to cope with probs in some sort of rational way, but never mind. I reckon heaps of people in this world (probably everyone) has something about them or some time when they've been really f**ked up, so i suppose that kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to ask- but you don't have to answer if you don't wana- but- how do you feel about the meds ur taking? (Just cause i'm interested in medications and caring about people) I know dat i really didn't wana take any in the first place and i was so resistant and so non compliant with all da meds i was offered! Just cause i'm studying about these things and really didn't find a lot of medications appealing. Bad huh. I'm just taking venlafaxine (Effexor) at the mo- doesn't seem to be making jack all of a difference! I ain't any more reasonable! I've taken quite a few other medications- but i screwed them all up! because i either missed weeks of taking them or i took an overdose of them and felt a bit weird! Woopsy- don't try that!
How's everything going- I'm just guessing that it maybe isn't going too good for ya at the mo cause you're a new member and also cause you've just been diagnosed with BP. Other than all of that- how are you feeling? Do you have enough help and support from the people around you? I honestly think that you are an intelligent chick and that you've been through a lot. I think it's all very scary. I also think that you are very admirable for all of this! Because you've been through so much it means that you can be very understanding of other people. I think all of your experiences can be put to use to help other people and i think you do show a strong quality. So hang in there!
I will post something tomorrow- and say whether i've been successful in my attempts to not b and p tomorrow. Kinda worried- because i'm feeling really depressed at the mo, but i'll give it a shot. If you've got anything you wana share just go for it! I don't mind if you wana have a big scream and a yell at me heh- cause i just wana hear how things are goin with you, and just hope the best for ya. I do think that you have a very strong mind and i do think that you can overcome what you need to. i do think you can change- of course it's going to be hard- but only the things that really matter in life are hard. I think you can use what you're going through to be an inspiration to others! Catch ya lata.

Love and hugs from Sezzie