i can take a guess maybe..by having you help & assist in their care & then eat the pigs..it would almost seem that you are "approving" of the entire situation ...as you are then included in the ritual...an accomplice so to speak.
initiation?

now i could be oh so very wrong & if i am forgive me...but i have seen this in other situations where victims are slowly drawn into the fold by including them into things & then they are brainwashed by being told "well you you must have agreed since you did A & B."

be gentle with yourself ...sometimes i don't know what is worse..knowing the memories or not. i found that to be true for myself. my version of the memories from childhood was bad but when as an adult i pieced together all the loose ends & used adult logic & such...it was almost much worse.

again...i am sorry.