well, I am depressed so I often don't really want a life beyond just being at least for now. My brother has stepped up a lot out of necessity because I do have to say no more, but then I find myself worrying he is doing it wrong but try not to be overly critical or he won't help. I just kind of need a whole bunch of me time. Also I find out if my cancer is back next week as I have had some symptoms, I hate to say it but a tiny part of me hopes it is back just because it feels like it might validate me being a couch potato lately because I feel so guilty for being that way.