Well, guys, since the secret is out, I will share my methods with you. All you need to do is to realize that your goal is to achieve maximum pleasure. Lots more fun. That's the secret to enlightenment. You see, I rate all experiences on a grid I have developed titled: "Personal Pleasure Principle". If the activity rates high enough I will repeat it often - thus enlightenment. If it does not rate well, it is discarded. Simple and easy. A child can achieve enlightenment. Intellectual vigor is not required - could actually be a hindrance.

For a small tithe, I will be happy to let you view the Master Model Grid of PPP. You can then personalize it the way it suits you best. For those who would like private instruction, the waiting list is long so you may want to sign up now. All that is required for such gems of wisdom is a donation to the foundation of MMGPPP.

My only wish is that all sentient beings share with me the bliss of enlightenment. Namaste.