My struggle is I don't want to take meds. Yes, I want to feel "normal" if there's such a thing, but I don't want any sort of label attached to me and I want to do all of this without pills, without therapy and just be left the f* alone.

I wish my "mania" was euphoric high instead of being a raging, anxious b*. I'm struggling with sui thoughts and wanting to SI more and more. Just makes me feel like a complete failure at everything.