Oh my gosh, I would love to be special to T, to be his favorite client ever, etc. And I make sure to tell him that occasionally

T has told me I'm special, but he will never ever ever say I'm his favorite, even if I am. EVER. And I hate it, but over time, it's led to a lot of really good (and painful, blah) insights in therapy. If T said "yes, you ARE my favorite! Ever!" I could bask in that, and it would be kind of awesome...but since he won't (and I may not even BE the favorite! *gasp*!), I've had a lot of opportunities to look at that big feeling I have - the feeling of wanting to be the favorite...and it's made me realize how much I want to be loved, how much I want to make up for the things I missed out on as a child, how scared I am of being invisible. It's brought up childhood things and allowed me to work on them. It's helped me be honest with myself about my wants and my needs, and it's slowly pushing me to look for the things I need, and to grieve and let go of what I just didn't get.

So. I do think that there is real, actual therapeutic benefit in not having those questions answered. But it's SO not as fun as just hearing "yep! you're my favorite!"