Thread: just so confused and twisted up and distressed
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Old Dec 31, 2011, 03:04 AM
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dinosaurs dinosaurs is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2007
Location: on the path to healing
Posts: 785
i'm pretty sure i got the 5 weeks wrong but can't seem to work out how long i actually have left til i see him. you'd think that would be easy to work out

i've been keeping really busy with gardening which i've been really enjoying but as soon as i stop i feel like i fall apart.

i'm allowed to email him but i have no idea what to say. it seems stupid to write and say i want nothing to do with you, please reply to me. i love you i hate you. go away come here. leave me alone i need you.

leaves me feeling stupid and broken and miserable and lonely. doesn't help that my big new years eve consists of pc chat (until it empties) and frozen pizza. i feel like a loser and i still can't stand to be near myself i thought i was better at this by now
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He said that we can email as MUCH as we want (100 times per day). Believe in this - it is challenging fears about being punished. It is okay to be seen. You are not a nuisance. "Too much" simply means exploration, not punishment/withdrawal. Trust in him.

Not looking at him is about keeping aspects of self hidden/secret. We know that is not the healthy choice. Keep working on this - you will get there.

Accept there are parts. Be kind and gentle with them. Working with parts and feelings is the key to happiness. We have been happy before when listened to them and accepted them and were open to feelings. Write in your journal - it is safe to do so.
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