Melissa congratulations on your fantastic progress!

I know what you mean, my last hospitalisation feels like it happened to someone else as well. Like Innerzone says, I know it happened, but I can't really 'believe' it. It's like recalling a historical fact - it happened, but I wasn't there. The hospitalisations before that I remember slightly better actually, but they still seem unreal.

Mind you, the last hospitalisation was 12/13 years ago LOL not 7 months ago.

I fully agree with what others have said, that your memory shuts down to protect you from things that are too painful. In a way it's 'proof' that you were there and it did happen. Personally I'm quite happy not to remember it. I also had ECT during that time, so I always put the lack of memory down to that.

I also self-harmed a lot back then. Until recently I considered that whole era of my life finished. I hadn't been on any medication in many years and believed I was symptom-free. I wasn't. I was self-medicating with alcohol. When I stopped that in August, I went way down, then up.

That's when it became somewhat necessary to remember the hospitalisations, because I had to explain everything to my current pdoc and reel off the medications I'd been on etc.

Melissa again well done on your perseverance and strength.