....it's saturday night
...it was very hot today 38 degrees c...100 farenheit for North America.
...it's new years eve..and the city is fully energised!
...I am somewhat thirsty
...I am alone
...I have lots of things on my mind (not sure what they all are...probably fundaMENTAL things)
...I am insecure as usual.
...my self esteem is treading water as usual.
...I am restless, and even nervous and even anxious.
...did I mention I was alone and thirsty?

and I am an alcoholic

I am even a little tense and dis-combobulated (funny word that)

there are plenty of ingredients there to produce a B grade alcoholic adventure...horror flick starring me. I often don't need anything from that list apart from the "I'm an alcoholic "...to authorise the whole sorry production.
so whats stopping me...?
with such a big list I know it will be dangerous!
...but it's dangerous anyway!
and thats never stopped me before.
January could float right on by as dubblemonkey becomes bubblejunkie!

It really has little to do with me?....and heres the spiritual part of it that I cannot ignore, much less explain with my feeble mortal mind...and I'm not trippin'
I genuinely feel as though I am being looked after tonight...something angelic, feels like angels....and why are they attending to me?
I believe it is because they know that I refuse to break their hearts.

All it takes is a yes for a relapse...and all I have done is say no and them awesome angels gone and done the rest.

beautiful